Riding Fit (The Body) Part 2

It's not new information that getting fit enough to effectively ride your horse is important. For each rider that level of fitness is completely unique. For me, my depression plays a large role in making my body hurt and sometimes it's hard for me to distinguish between mental health associated pain and actual I'm-getting-old pain. I've always been a pretty athletic person, and part of my aches and pains now have to do with a lifetime of putting my body through a lot of wear and tear. I did competitive gymnastics as a child and as a result all my joints are pretty janky with some limitations on range of motion. Being a working student (again) at age 37, was a really good way for me to whip my body back into shape... and once that ended hot damn if I didn't gain the weight back and then some. I was happy yes, but I was not happy at the person in the mirror. Then, over the summer I herniated a disk in my back which really, really sucked. My doctor cautioned me to rest and once I was ready to start working on building up the surrounding muscles surrounding the injury to help support it going forward.

I cringe looking at these, at least Scout is cute

The first couple of months after injuring my back were very frustrating as the thing that bothered my back the most was being in the saddle. But I adapted to it and worked through the pain adding more and more time each ride. And by the end of October I felt like I was ready to ramp up the physical activity again. So at the beginning of November I ran a 5k (because that's a totally normal way to jump back into exercise) and I didn't die. I was excited that I actually had the wind and stamina to actually run the whole thing! My back hurt a LOT from running, but I was determined. So we joined the local Y so I could start swimming and eventually work up to more serious exercise.

If you don't take a gym selfie, did you even work out? (*I took all of these pics for the sole purpose of the blog)

There is just one problem with all of that... I HATE THE GYM. Like, really and truly do not like being there at all. But I am also extremely stubborn and so I started going anyway. I struggled to find a routine that I liked and was just overwhelmed with all of the choices and equipment and classes. My SO encouraged me to sign up for a few different apps that helped give me some guidance and before I knew it was in a regular program (a mix of cardio and strength training). And it didn't take long for me to see and feel just how much it was improving my riding.

Running

Despite the fact that I hate the gym, I DO enjoy running. But running outside proved to be entirely too concussive on my back so I started on the treadmill and found it to be much easier on my back and my joints. It wasn't long until I was up to running 15+ miles a week over three runs and I was really loving it. As an added benefit, I was developing some real mental fortitude. Running for an hour is a real testimony in mental stamina and I already appreciate how that helps me push through on those more boring times in the saddle. In addition, I've got my wind back again which feels amazing. Not being out of breath and being able to push through tough moments when I'm riding feels awesome. Scout on the other hand does not really appreciate my new found stamina and was legit shocked when I was able to continue on without taking breaks to catch my breath!

In a normal week, I try to do weight training 3 days a week (alternating days) and cardio of some sort on the days in between. Usually I give myself a day of to rest but not always. When I first started out I was running on all my cardio days because I really loved it, but I really needed to mix things up because my body was telling me I was running a bit too much too soon. So I gave several options a try until I found a routine that I really enjoy (I still hate being at the gym).

Stairclimber

Elliptical

Jacobs Ladder - this is an actual torture device

The stairclimber I really like because it works your upper legs and glutes which obviously has direct benefit for riding. While my legs are strong, my thighs are easily the least toned part of my body and this machine pinpoints that area while also providing some good cardio. I hate the elliptical machine and think it's completely bogus, while it burns calories I don't feel like I ever get a real workout on it. I have since switched to an Arc Trainer which is a bit of a variation on an elliptical and I really enjoy the kind of workout it gives me. One thing that's pretty interesting about using any of these machines is that I have really uneven legs (my right stirrup is always at least a full hole longer than me left) and when you're working out on an elliptical machine (for example) that small difference becomes quite dramatic. So I'm trying to use these machines to work on creating more evenness on both sides of my body. I sure hope it works because I think Scout would appreciate a much more even rider! The Jacobs Ladder machine is just a torture device and I don't recommend it unless you want to feel like dying after a minute. The longest I've been able to consecutively use it for is 7 minutes... SEVEN. I also use the row machine at least once a week and I love thinking about how the motion of using the rower mimics an exaggerated jump position. It's really helping me create muscle memory for hinging at the hip and the pull of the row bar feels very similar to galloping with a bridged rein (okay, maybe these are a bit of a stretch but it helps me tolerate the gym if I just pretend it has applications for riding).

It's just an X Scout, jeepers

One of the reasons that I wanted to start strength training is because Scout is a big, athletic and powerful ride. He was so easy to ride when I first got him, I never really thought about how much different he would feel after several hundred pounds and consistent training. That probably sounds naive, but it's remarkable. Emily came to ride him recently and was stunned, she said she couldn't believe what a physical ride he was now! Even when he's being light in the bridle he requires a ton of core/leg power to stay with him and I owe it to him to be able to hold up my part of the equation and not just sit there like a lump.

Why am I so insecure in workout leggings but totally fine in riding pants?

The program that I'm doing is alternating days with a combination of upper and lower body work. Each time you complete a series at a certain weight you incrementally go up in weight the next time you do that activity. Currently I'm doing the following: Bench Press, Barbell Rows, Incline Bench, Squat, Back Extension (these have been amazing for my lower back muscles), Overhead Press, Chin Ups, Deadlift and Curls. Usually, each day is a combination of 5 of these items and takes around an hour with warm ups.

And for someone that HATES being at the gym, I am loving lifting weights. I actually look forward to particular exercises (deadlift and squats I'm looking at you) and struggle with others (overhead press is just so hard) -- but it's also revealing the parts of my body that are truly strong and the parts that need work. Not shockingly, my lower body is quite strong, while my upper body is a bit on the weak side and it's time to get the rest of body in shape!

Learning to get deeper in my squats

My back continues to improve strength wise and I've noticed that when I skip days of strength training due to schedule conflicts, my back feels awful. So I'm going to try to stick to this plan and see where it takes me. Turns out that maybe doctors actually know what they're talking about, even if it's a slower road to recovery.

My arms look better than they did when I was a working student!

Ultimately, I don't have a particular strength goal or fitness milestone to achieve, but I'd like to continue progressing incrementally. I've made some loose goals for mileage for running, but that is all contingent upon my body holding up. I've finally reached the point in my life where I am listening much more closely to what my body is telling me and adjusting my plan accordingly. Funny, since that's my entire approach to Scout's training and it's taken me forever to figure it out for myself! My super vague goal is to be MUCH stronger than I was when the spring season rolls around. And now with my horse off getting super fit and schooled I better be in tip top shape when he returns!

So after about 2.5 months, I still hate the gym, but I like the folks that go there (they do all kinds of really cool programs for seniors and special needs) -- I'm less intimidated working out in the weight room and I'm starting to like the person looking back at me in the mirror. Getting old is tough, but I can influence how old I feel both mentally and physically. Self care is crucial and it starts one step at a time. Here's to everyone going out and doing what makes them feel strong inside and out and making themselves the best possible partner for their horse.

Riding Fit (The Brain) Part 1 of 2

In the spirit of full disclosure I'm going to dive in deep with this post. Part 1 of 2, I'm going to talk a little about how I've gotten my brain fit to be the best partner for my horse and our goals together.


THE BRAIN:

For as long as I can remember I've dealt with mental illness. Long before I knew how to define it, I was staying up until 4am painting or sweating through my clothes in public for no discernible reason or spending entirely too much time alone because I couldn't bear to be around other people. I had my first true panic attack at 22 (or at least the first that I knew how to define) and as a result, I stayed in bed for days because I felt physically and mentally broken. Since then, I've been able to define my personal issues as insomnia, anxiety and depression (caused by anxiety).

And now, at the age of 40 (don't get me started) -- I've spent the last 20 years addressing the root of many of my issues and working on ways to improve my day to day quality of life. I'm going to share a few things that have helped me to become the best version of myself while managing my mental illnesses.

Insomnia 

 

Insomnia is something I dealt with starting at a very young age. I always knew I had a restless brain, and I would stay up for hours reading or drawing and going to sleep at 4 or 5 in the morning and then getting up for school at 7. I didn't realize that it wasn't normal until my parents discovered me awake in the wee hours when I was a teenager. They took me to a therapist to try to teach me methods for getting to sleep, but none of it worked. At it's worst, the only thing that was effective was taking Ambien (which was a lifesaver when I really needed it) -- and now at it's most manageable, my remedies are far more simplified. Good sleep hygiene, physical exercise of some sort daily (even if it's just getting some fresh air), no caffeine after noon, and a whiskey before bed doesn't hurt either. Through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy I also learned a technique to "put my worries to bed" also, which involves making a list of things that are keeping me up and if any of them are actionable I can stay up and complete them and otherwise I put the rest to bed. My insomnia has always been at its worst when my depression and anxiety are heightened so it's important for me to factor in all of the ways the play together to actually get some sleep.  I'm happy to say that I haven't depended on sleep aids in years, and I hold my solid relationship as a big factor in why I've been able to keep my insomnia at bay.

Anxiety

If I had to guess, I would say that most people that interact with my think I have my proverbial shit together. They would probably describe me as "even-keeled", "confident" and "self-assured". HAHAHAHA. I think one of the things that drew me to OTTBs in the first place was that many of them are "anxious-worriers" and it's a personality trait I can really relate too. You know what's a surefire way to stop thinking about your anxiety? Get on a hot OTTB straight off the track and try to teach it something new. One of the most amazing things horses have given me is singular focus. The anxious brain is everywhere and nowhere all at once and horses have taught me how to compartmentalize my worries and anxieties. That said, I've spent many, many years with a very good therapist who has given me tools to navigate my way through this messy thing we call life. Btw, if you like reading and you also like worrying, read The Worry Cure -- it changed my life. There was a time that my anxiety was so crippling that I couldn't get dressed in the morning... as in, I'd call work and tell them I was going to be late and that I didn't know when I'd be in and then I'd sit at the end of my bed paralyzed for another hour. Those days seem like eons ago, but I struggle every. damn. day. with anxiety. How I handle it now is much different in that I am much more self-aware, and I have useful tools to depend on when it gets bad. On a daily basis, I find that sticking to little rituals really helps. For instance, when I wake up in the morning (typically the hardest time of day for my anxious brain) I have to ease into the day. I wake up and need at least 30+ minutes to lay in bed and deal with taking on the day. My incredible SO brings me coffee in bed every morning to help facilitate the process, and it works... I let my brain fire up, anxieties and all and I make a plan for the day. But the truth is, the way that I handle my crippling anxiety is to put forth a facade of confidence and ease, I am THAT person to the outside world, because the other person inside cannot deal at all. And in some ways, that charade has worked in my favor (it's gotten me jobs, apartments, relationships, friends) and has allowed me to be careful of who I share the rest with.

Depression

My depression is caused my my anxiety so it functions a little differently that the traditional variety. For me, it manifests in very physical ways (which is awful)... sometimes it's feeling like my head is in a vice, but mostly it's constant pain throughout my body and unexplained fatigue. Back in early 2016 it was reaching new heights and I had to make massive changes to tamp it down. I was miserable at my job (after 11 years I was just over it), having to be downtown every day was making my anxiety terrible and I was chronically in pain. And while other things were going really well, I was barely functioning in other aspects. I remember distinctly being in a lesson and only being able to go half way around the ring before being winded and fatigued. It wasn't until Emily more or less demanded that I got to the doctor that I realized something was really wrong with me. I was 100% sure I had Lyme disease, or worse. I had blood work done, and everything came back normal. After a myriad of tests, we circled back to depression and how it was physically effecting me. I needed to make some BIG changes in my life. So, with the support of the most amazing partner ever, I scaled back my position at work to one day a week in the office, I threw myself into a working student position and almost right away started feeling better. Was is the stress of being in the city? The boredom of the same job for years? The change of scenery or the 12 hours of physical exercise I was doing every day? Whatever it was, it was working and I've stayed the course ever since. No, I'm not a working student any more, but I still oversee projects at my long time job, I've got my freelance photo business, and I nanny for a couple of UL riders. My days are varied and I often have time to be extremely flexible with my schedule allowing me more time for the things that keep me mentally stable. Some weeks are incredibly busy with no time "off" and some are scant with work and full of play and I'm SO happy to have that kind of mental freedom. It has done wonders for my mental health and I'm easily the happiest I've ever been. It is not a lifestyle for everyone, but love the hustle of having lots of balls in the air and having more control over my day-to-day life.

Mentally, I am doing everything I can to be in the best place for my horse. I think it's easy to rely on horses as the place to sort of place all our baggage and to use it as a safe haven (and that's not wrong), but I think it's also important to address what is going on inside our brains and be introspective about what we are bringing to the table too. At times horses have been the only thing that's kept me going and for that I am truly grateful. I owe it to my horse to be the best partner I can be... stay tuned for Part 2 where we talk about physical fitness!

Year in Review -- Closing the book on 2017

I've had so much fun lately reading through everyone's year in review (and I just saw about ten more to read!). This was a big year for me in terms of work, life and horses and I was eager to see just how much has transpired so I could reflect on everything.

So here we go:

January

We had an extremely busy January at the sales barn and I was riding a lot. Lucky for me, we happened to have an really nice inventory of small, fun TBs that I had to try desperately not to fall in love with! Nolan got his first clip and his body began to shift from fit race horse to riding horse. We got our first big snow, but temps quickly changed enough that I was riding in a long sleeve t-shirt most of the month (fingers crossed we get a replay of that this winter!).

February

February rolled around and the weather continued to improve (Look, I'm even wearing a t-shirt!!!). After Nolan's short-winter break, we set about putting a strong foundation on him. He was proving to be very clever with a busy brain and unparalleled athleticism which was challenging at times. Nevertheless, we pushed forward introducing him to more complex work which he met with gusto. And with his cleverness in mind, I reassessed his behavior on the ground and began introducing daily ground work to improve his attitude and keep him on his toes, giving him a strong leader to look to. My pony also got worked into the routine and he seemed to enjoy the extra attention.

March

March brought cooler temps which had us heading indoors to audit clinics with fresh ponies! We definitely made the most of having Jimmy Wofford just down the road for some inspiration. I documented my physical progress with some before and after (8 months) into my working student job, which was eye-opening. I got to ride some horses that pushed me way out of my comfort zone, like the 17hh behemoth above. And, most exciting of all... I bought a trailer!!!!!!

April

If I had to say which month was the most influential it was for me it would undoubtedly be April. At this point I was getting to ride nearly every horse in the barn and I could feel my confidence increasing daily. Things with Nolan were moving along nicely and he was becoming more and more fun with every ride. He gave 110% into everything, even if it was simply a crossrail, or a spook and I began to wonder if was perhaps too athletic for my liking. I started getting back into sewing again and tried my hand at some wild ear bonnets. And, I met a big, bay gelding that needed a sales video and it was love at first ride<3

May

May was a bit of a whirlwind as I decided on May 5th to buy Scout and 12 days later I'd find myself at Kevin Keane's practice holding Nolan for his PPE. Like with Riley, I didn't advertise him, but sought out suitable riders that he might get along with, so I didn't have to go through a hellish selling process with him. He was tried 3 times in 5 days and when the third girl came to try him, I knew it was a perfect match. I was so thrilled with her sense of humor for his naughtiness and she was eager to find a partner to take her through the levels (She's since taken him to Ocala for a working student position and they came in 1st at their Novice Debut a few weeks ago!!!). And, although I was sad to load Nolan on the trailer, Scout made sure I kept a big grin on my face everyday after.

June

Ahhhh! Another big month! I continued the trend or grinning ear to ear after every ride on Scout. We started his jumping education and he took to it with enthusiasm. I got to ride all over Chester County with my love on his steed pushing myself further out of my comfort zone (going fast and not being in control). I got a tattoo dedicated to my first three OTTBs and I bought a truck to pull my trailer! True story, the woman I bought my truck from posted that photo on her Facebook telling all her friends how her truck was going to have a new purpose in life:)

July

July brought some big advances in Scout's education. Namely, we hacked a lot... sometimes alone and sometimes with others. He learned about streams (not love at first sight) and hill work and flushing deer out bravely. He wore his first western saddle and took my friend's parents for a ride. And I checked in about his over all condition now that he'd finally shed out and gained some actual muscle.

August

August was full of ups and downs. I was starting to really evolve as a rider working with some not-so-easy mounts, including the little bay horse above (he'll get his own post at some point). I got to play around with a very cool little pony that rode much more like a horse and I said good bye to Scout while I headed away for a week at the beach. While I thoroughly enjoyed my break, my fun was cut short by the news that Scout had injured himself in turnout and was three-legged lame. It would be a tough few days while I attempted to manage his care remotely (with my vet and trainer), but I knew his recovery was going to take more time than expected.

September

September brought some very difficult decision making for me as we narrowed down Scout's diagnosis. We fought to get his cellulitis under control and we began talking about resuming some tack walking and light turnout. His leg was still angry and hot, so we needed to take it slowly and carefully. Ultimately, I made the decision to leave the sales barn and move Scout close to home so I could manage his care more closely. He settled in quite well and they were able to accommodate him with a great rehab paddock and safer turnout. Eventually, the leg settled down and we were able to start hacking around and even going on trail rides with bloggers. I flew down to Florida for my best friend's baby shower and I leased my pony to an eventer (who absolutely loves him).

October

While September was an emotional roller coaster, October gave promise that there was indeed light at the end of the tunnel. Scout and I continued to hack out. He got cleared for full turnout and blossomed with his new field and friends. I went to Fairfill and met up with a great group of bloggers and found time and money to hire Britt to come take photos of my two favorite guys! Scout got his first clip job and was an absolute champ. And, we started taking lessons at a nearby barn where Scout proved to be quite reliable about trailering and going to new places.

November

November brought lots of rain, but we plugged along at our work. Scout was improving steadily under saddle and really starting to use his body. We went to our first show and didn't die and we added in some trainer rides to mix things up and keep Scout sharp. We started to play around with some biting ideas and we incorporated lunging into a regular part of his workload. He learned some remedial groundwork and proved once again that he's got a terrific brain by letting me hop on him bareback in a rope halter and go for a ride.

December

With all his new found muscles and cooler temps, Scout was starting to become quite energetic and so we had some talks about appropriate behavior on the ground and under saddle. He got his second clip of the season and is starting to look like a real event horse. I think he may have grown again but at last measurement he was 16.3 (+3/4) so I really hope I'm just imagining it. With the ground frozen and daily highs wavering around 20, we've pumped the brakes on his serious training, but we'll hopefully be able to resume in a week or so. December is always a busy month with my birthday and Christmas, but I've tried hard to him feel important every time I see him. In the meantime, I hope he's gaining some pounds with all the extra grain and alfalfa he's getting and I can't wait to pick up where we left off.

Stay tuned for Goals 2018 post, but for now I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday and New Year!

How do you sum up a year?

It seems impossible to try to quantify the last year in facts and figures. Because it's more than just minutes and hours of holding horses for the farrier, legging up sales horses, creating marketing material, walking up that damn hill to the ring (again), commuting for hours, and falling in love with basically every sales horse. 

Just a couple of numbers I put together from the last year!

Leaving my job of 11 years to pursue horses full time brought me to a place I didn't know existed. It's a been a journey of stripping away everything I thought I knew about these four-legged creatures and learning everything for seemingly the first time. But it's been more than just the time spent with horses because I've been able to discover fortitude within myself that I didn't know I possessed. I mean, I've always been a pretty driven person, passionate about many things (horses being just one of those things) and I tend to delve in, 100%... but, like many people, I am scared of failing and instead shrinking away from a challenge, tail between my legs back to safety and security. 

So, I dove in... and here I am a year later... and I still want to be here. In some ways, that feels like a success. But, there's more to it than just perseverance. 

A year later and my elbows STILL don't bend:)

Beyond just persevering, I set some lofty goals for myself -- and I never really said them out loud for fear of jinxing myself, but there were two big ones that I managed to pull off. 1.) Save for, research and buy a trailer and truck to pull it with and 2.) Find a horse that makes you smile every single day.

Mission accomplished

So thank you to all of the people who supported me over the last year and made me feel like my dreams and passions were more than just a pipe dream. I'm excited to get back to blogging and I have so many fun and crazy experiences from the last year to reflect upon!

Stay tuned!